Critique RE: live event – Emmanuel

That was an excellent choice for an event, Emanuel; I wish I had chosen a fun event like this one. I like the upbeat tone of your story, the tone makes it more inviting, and I find it easier to retain the information you convey to your reader.

I found myself wanting to know more about the bands at this event in the warehouse. You said this more intimate event with each bag getting a 45-minute spot hosted three bands from the San Diego and Los Angeles areas. You did not tell us where the first two bands were from or who the Los Angeles band(s) were. This distracted me from the piece a bit.

What I needed to know to enjoy this story more were things like, what genre and sound comparison. You stated one of the bands rocked, but I don’t know if that was with rock music or if the word was used to exclaim how well they played general music.
Your piece made me wish I had attended also, but I also felt it lacked some of the information I needed to plan to attend another event like it.
I get the idea “Michelle” is a party animal, and the musicians enjoy playing, but I don’t know what type of music was played or what instruments, the look of the bands? Was the music, covered or original? You mentioned the band members stayed behind after the show to take photos. I presume you mean to pose for photos?
All in all, you did a good job sparking interest, and you chose an excellent event to attend.

I was surprised by the number of times you quoted “Breaking sound” I wonder if you are involved with the promotion?

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