One Way to Avoid being Childless, How to Defy Nature.
(Names have been changed to respect the privacy if those involved)
The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services estimates that no fewer than 11% of all Women in the U.S. alone suffer from a debilitating condition called Endometriosis. This afflicts women only with severe pain and often times many other complications related to but not limited to difficulty bearing children. Most women who are diagnosed with this condition are treated between the ages of fifteen and forty-four.
This condition is more than a numbers game for those who suffer, lives are forever changed due to the existence of this condition that some might say to be mild in nature. The doctor told [Dawn] that if she did not “get on the stick” and “soon” that she would have to consider a hysterectomy as the only option.
[Dawn] was only twenty-five years old. She worked hard and had not planned for this to be an option now. I ran my own business, an art gallery, and a small printing business.
Dawn sat across from her gynecologist stunned for what seemed an eternity, then finally, the words actually leave her mouth.
“I work every day, I am no longer in a relationship, and I am not ready to have a baby. What other options are there?” Doctor Finnigan stared at her, waiting for a respectable pause and answered, “there are none really.”
“If you want to have children, ever you better plan on it soon.”
[Dawn] walked out of the Doctors office with slips of paper that ordered her to go to other offices to get my blood drawn, to schedule surgery and one that explained why she needed to find a way to have a baby or be childless.
[Dawn] went to the first of her errands before going to work. She needed blood drawn and results needed to return before my scheduled surgery the day before my twenty-sixth birthday.
She showed up at work, an art gallery, a bit out of sorts. She assumed that her distress was showing on her face as her employees seemed concerned. Each asked if she was ok, feeling well? She decided to call a meeting and locked the door behind her after placing a “be right back in 15 minutes” sign on the door.
“Ok, here is the scoop, I am going in for a simple surgery on the eighteenth and will be out for a few days.”
She explained it was supposed to be a simple process, technically called an endoscopy to correct endometriosis, (link provided for imagery and general reference) the surgeon pumps the stomach up with gas like a bloated frog. They then cut a small hole in the belly button. Through the small hole, the doctor will insert a hose with a camera to find renegade bits of tissue that has somehow gotten lost. There is another hose with a remote set of tongs and a laser, “it’s not a big deal, really.” she says.
She notices one of her Lake Tahoe snowboard friends, [Thomas], at the door as she was begging to wrap up the meeting with her staff. She excuses herself to tell him to wait at the door. He agreed to wait.
“Ok Guys,” she says, “any questions or comments? There was a sigh relief and a “no, we’re all good”.
“Alright then, back it.” [Dawn] declared with forced cheeriness.
[Thomas] walked in and asked “What was all that about? Seemed kind of heavy.”
[Dawn] told him about the doctor’s appointment she had had and that she was faced with some long term decisions.
[Thomas] cocked his head to one side, squinted, and said: “Why? What’s the big deal, just go to a bar and BOOM!”
As he claps his hands
“Problem solved.” He finished in his blunt yet charming manner.
“What?” [Dawn] says, “I am not going to a bar to find some guy for a donation.”
“Why won’t you go to get it over with?” Asked [Thomas].
Instead of explaining every detail to him and going through all the reasons why, she really didn’t want to talk with him about that anyway, She just looked at him and rolled her eyes.
[Thomas] just stared at her with a deadpan look, until he could not hold it any longer then burst out into a laughter that was way too loud for the gallery to be discrete. He then proceeded to giggle and laugh nervously for what seemed far too long.
After he collected himself, he said, “why don’t you find a friend to help you out?” He looked at her and said, “I am your friend.” Then let out a genuine never-ending smile. [Dawn] responded to that smile, trying to object to his suggestion that he was a friend and may be able to lean on him for this special favor.
They had agreed to go their separate ways for eighteen years and even signed an agreement. That agreement to stay apart even as friends is why [Dawn] still holds onto guilt after all those years.
She took the chance and had her first son at the age of twenty-five.
She was a single mother by choice and planned to raise the boy herself until she caught him wearing her heals and clothes for work. At that point, she felt she was being selfish single parent.
Her son was two and a half when she met another man, one that seemed “too good to be true.” He said he had wished for children his entire life. He said they were his dream come true. After a while this man, we will call him [Eugene] asked [Dawn] to marry him, she talked herself into it, that was twenty-four years ago. She now has four children, of whom she has been the sole single parent.
“What I did not realize when I convinced myself to marry [Eugene] was some people are very good at hiding what they really are.”
She tells me.
I spoke with [Thomas], the father of [Dawn’s] son, (also named [Thomas]) shortly after he was located through Ancestry.com. Thomas Sr. prefers Tom, expressed his thrill in finding [Thomas}; he said: “I had looked for years, and I have been writing and sending letters for years.” He said there some that were returned, but most he had believed they were lost in a black hole.
(US Department of Health & Human Services article regarding endometrial tissue disorder)
(Wikipedia Commons article on Endoscopy Medical Device)
(Wikipedia Commons article on Endometriosis/womans helath condition affecting women of child bearing ages)
(Wikipedia Commons article on Lake Tahoe provided for visual interaction and enhancemmt)
(Ancestry.com DNA servies and family locating related services)
(Johns Hopkins Medical/Endometriosis provided fro visuals/in house electronic phamphlet)